What happened to the world changer?

I grew up in a generation of world changers. We were driven, empowered, and passionate for God. We were "on fire".

Church camps, youth conferences, mission trips, and youth group was what my life revolved around. It was amazing. I have wonderful memories and great Facebook friends from those times but the accomplishments and moments are all in the past.

I grew up believing I could do anything I set my mind to, the world was my oyster and I only had to choose what I wanted and go for it.
And that, dear friends, is where I stalled out. Decision making is not my forte and after 4 years of college and 1 internship I was no closer to knowing what I wanted to do with my life then when I started.

I am now a married, stay-at-home, mom of two, with no college degree and not a clue who I am.

I wish I could say I did change the world, that history will be written with me in it, that my name will be known, that I have made a tangible impact in the lives of others. But the truth is that most days it's all I can do to get dressed, feed the kids, run errands, feed them again, pick up the house, do laundry, put it away, feed the kids...again, and get them into bed.

It is so hard to find meaning in what I do. There is no acknowledgement, no history being made, and most days it feels like nobody knows my name.

This is not a motivational, "you matter, get out there and be a fabulous you!" post. No, this is my honest, real life. Because real life is hard.

But I press on, I roast cauliflower, trip over toys, pick up toys, and wash the thousandth load of laundry because while today doesn't feel significant I have faith that soon one day will and I cannot wait for that day.

Never too tired

This evening, after a long day of painting the kitchen, feeding kids, picking up the house, preparing for Lily's birthday party tomorrow, running errands, and everything else that come with being a stay-at-home mom of a 4 and 5 year old, Ethan came up to me and, with a lot of attitude in his voice, asked why I hadn't fixed his bubble machine yet (he had left if out in one too many rainstorms this spring and the on/off switch had rusted).

Tired and a bit exasperated I launched into a speech about everything I had done that day and how tired I was and how I didn't have enough time to get everything done but I would look at it tomorrow.
Ethan, in all of his 5 year old wisdom, climbed up onto my lap, put his arm around my neck, smiled at me and said, "But I know one thing you always have time for mom". I sighed and turned my head to smile at him as I asked what that was. "A hug from Ethan!" he happily replied as he wrapped his arm around me. I gladly hugged he back and with a kiss on the check replied, "You're right buddy. I love you and I always have time for a hug and a kiss from you".

I am constantly reminded that time is fleeting. This fall Ethan will start Kindergarten and Lily will start preschool. I am planning to start working part time and I know that the days I think are busy now are slow and steady compared to what is to come.

 I fill my plate and try to get more done in a day than I could do in a week. I need to remember to slow down, to take time for the little things, and little people that I am so blessed to have in my life. After all, I'm never too busy for a hug.